    |
 Different Level of Desire For SexMen & Women Are DifferentResearch tells us that, in general, men think about sex more often than women. Generally speaking, men have higher sex drives and enjoy more variety. There is a biological reason for this. The chemical responsible for the difference is testosterone and men have 20-40 times more testosterone than women. And, perhaps more importantly, in men, testosterone levels stay at fairly constant level throughout their life. But for women, testosterone levels are dramatically affected by their monthly period and also by childbearing. However, because levels of oestrogen change over their monthly menstrual cycle, a woman's sex drive is much more complicated than a man's and can change dramatically over the month. Research also indicates that women have different motivations for sex. Whilst men's drive is often physical, women may also want sex as a way of expressing intimacy or pleasing a partner. In most culture, female are taught to be more passive and inhibited about sexual activities. Girls are much more likely than boy to be taught to avoid sexual activities and still much more stigma being attached to female expressing their sexuality. Other causes for low level of sexual desire include stress, depression, alcohol or other drug problem, low thyroid hormone, low testosterone level. Sex ChangesIn the early days of a relationship both men and women tend to have much higher sex drives. Evolutionary psychologists believe this is important for 'pair bonding' - building the connection between the two parties. But over time, sex drive falls - particularly for women. This is often confusing for both men and women. Men can feel betrayed and rejected by their partner and fear that not wanting sex as a sign of having problem in the relationship. Women too can wonder if it means that they don't love their partner as much as they used to. But in reality, these changes in desire are just a natural course of events in many couple relationship. Differences in Desire - Making It WorkThere is no 'right' number of times that you should have sex in a relationship. Whether you would like to have sex every day or once a fortnight - you are normal. If you have different desires, then compromise and negotiation are the solution. Many couples find they slip into a negative pattern where the partner with the higher libido is regularly asking for sex and being rejected. The person with the lower libido can also slip into the habit of avoiding physical contact unless they're in the mood for sex because they're frightened that it will give off the wrong signals. Open frank communication is very important so that your partner will not feel being rejected. Your partner need to know what you are thinking and what you like and what you don't. Even if you're not going to have sex, it's really important that you continue to be affectionate and sensual. When you commit to creating a tender, loving environment, sex is more likely to happen naturally. Some couples agree 'sex free' days so they know they can fully enjoy being close knowing it won't lead to sex. Further HelpIf differences in desire continue to cause problems in your relationship then you can make an appointment to see a sex therapist at HK Sexual Health Centre. Our therapist will work with you and your partner to help you to build a mutually satisfying sexual relationship.
|
