Sexual Health

Difficulty in Reaching Orgasm

Difficulty in reaching orgasm is a common problem. Research had shown that 1 in 4 women will have problem reaching orgasm at some stage in their life. 25-35% may never have experienced orgasm. Difficulty reaching orgasm during intercourse is almost the norm. Other researches had even estimated that 70% of women don’t ever have penetrative orgasms.

Some women may only have problem with penetrative sex but not with other form of stimulation. If this is the case, you may find that changing your sexual position will help. The common man-on-top (missionary) position rarely provides adequate clitoral stimulation to trigger orgasm. Some women find that if they are on top, orgasm is easier to achieve. For some couples, their physical body shape may limit the positions, in these cases some extra stimulation with finger or vibrator may be used to provide extra stimulation.

Physical Causes

There are not many medical causes for not reaching orgasm except if you have certain neurological, vascular or hormone problems, in which case, you may need to consult a doctor. The problem may be due to certain medications such as anti-depressants, tranquilizers, and very uncommonly due to pelvic surgery or trauma leading to nerve damage and loss of sensation.

However, the most common physical cause is a lack of stimulation. Most women need direct clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm. This can be improved with change in technique and education of partner. The second most common factor is tiredness or general illness. Our body and mind need to be relaxed in order to enjoy sex.

Psychological Causes

A range of psychological problems may cause women to have difficulty in achieving orgasm. “Spectatoring” is the most common way women detach from the sexual activity and become orgasm “watcher”. They feel anxious about the experience and instead of enjoying the moment, they become impatient and wanting it to be over soon. Some women find themselves difficult to focus on the sexual activity, instead, they are distracted by other thing that’s going on, worry about what the children are doing, worrying about the housework, even worry about how their partner will look at them when they have an orgasm.

Negative thought from the past can influence women’s feeling about their sexual experiences and being sexually aroused. Marriage and relationship problem are also common contributing factor to sexual dissatisfaction. Unresolved conflict between partners will certainly have a negative impact on the sexual relationship.

Self-help Tips

  • Relax – this is the most important thing one can do to reach orgasm. Reserve some time before you make love to relax in a bath, have a romantic dinner, sending the kids to bed first or share a massage first.
  • Talk – discuss openly with your partner. Tell them that this is something you want to overcome and talk about what you can do together reduce distraction and increase stimulation.
  • Show – next time when you are having sex, put you hand over your partner’s and show him the kind of pressure and stroke that you enjoy.
  • Practice – the problem is not going to disappear overnight. It will take patience and practice to overcome, so make sure both of you are committed to the process and enjoy it.

If you are still having problems after you have tried the above steps, you can make an appointment to see our therapist. A therapist can work with you alone, or you and your partner, whichever is most appropriate, in order to help you to resolve the problem. To make an appointment to see a sex therapist, please call HK Sexual Health Centre on (852) 3162-0001.