Sexual Health

Difficulty in Reaching Orgasm

Difficulty in reaching an orgasm is a common problem. Research has shown that 1 in 4 women will have a problem reaching orgasm at some stage in their life. 25-35% of women may never have experienced orgasm. Difficulty reaching orgasm during intercourse is almost the norm. Other research has estimated that 70% of women don’t ever have penetrative orgasms.

Some women may only have problems with penetrative sex but not with other form of stimulation. If this is the case you may find that changing your sexual position will help. The man-on-top or ‘missionary position’ rarely provides adequate clitoral stimulation to trigger orgasm. Some women find that if they are on top orgasm is much easier to achieve. For some couples their physical body shape may limit their sexual position. In these cases some extra stimulation (with a finger or a vibrator for example) may be used to provide extra stimulation.

Physical Causes

There are only a few medical causes for not reaching orgasm. These include neurological, vascular or hormonal problems. In these cases you may need to consult a doctor. The problem is sometimes due to the side effects of some medications such as anti-depressants and tranquilizers. In rare cases this is can be caused by pelvic surgery or trauma which leads to nerve damage and a loss of sensation.

The most common physical cause is a lack of stimulation. Most women need direct clitoral stimulation to achieve an orgasm. This can be improved by a change in technique and also by teaching and educating your partner. The second most common factor is simply tiredness or a general illness. Both our bodies and our minds need to be relaxed in order for us to enjoy sex.

Psychological Causes

A range of psychological problems can cause women to have difficulty in achieving orgasm. “Spectatoring” is the most common way that women detach from sexual activity and become an orgasm “watcher”. They feel anxious about the experience and instead of enjoying the moment they become impatient and want it to be over soon. Some women find it difficult to relax and focus on sexual activity. Often this is because they are distracted by their thoughts or concerns, or simply by things that are going on around them. For example they worry about what their children are doing, the housework or how their partner will perceive them when they have an orgasm.

Negative thoughts from the past can influence a woman’s feelings about her sexual experiences, and her ability to become sexually aroused. Marriage and relationship problems and unresolved conflict between partners, are common contributing factors that lead to sexual dissatisfaction.

Self-help Tips

  • Relax - this is the most important thing to try to do in order to reach orgasm. Reserve some time before you make love to relax, for example have a bath, share a massage, or have a romantic dinner together.
  • Talk – try to discuss matters openly with your partner and share your feelings. Tell your partner that this is something you want to overcome. Talk about what you can do together to minimize distraction and increase sexual stimulation.
  • Show – the next time you are having sex put you hand over your partner’s hand and show him the kind of pressure and stroke that you enjoy.
  • Practice – problems are not going to disappear overnight. It will take patience and practice to overcome the problem. Make sure both of you are committed to the process and enjoy it.

If you are still having problems after you have tried the above steps, you can make an appointment to see our therapist. A therapist will work with you alone or with you and your partner, whichever is most appropriate in order to help you to resolve the problem. To make an appointment to see a sex therapist, please call the HK Sexual Health Centre on (852) 3162-0001.